This post may offend a few....I'm sure it will also make some laugh because they can relate. Not trying to ruffle any feathers, but i'm just gonna go ahead and say it.
What not to say/do to a friend that is desperately trying to have a baby.
1. If you have children do not tell your friend things like "Your life will be just as great or fulfilled just as much without a child". So are you telling me that if you lost the child you have right now that your life would be just as fulfilled? I 100% believe that there is a special bond/love/connection made between a mother and child and you do not fully understand it until you hold your baby in your arms, but I also think it is safe to say that unless you have fully experienced the heartache and struggle of trying to conceive, miscarriages, and realizations that you may never become a mom then you can not tell someone that life will be just as fulfilling. I have had people tell me this...people who have kids, people who are pregnant for the second or third time around, etc... I graciously smile but inside i'm telling myself that you're an idiot.
2. I touched on this before, but try to stay away from the words "ehhh...you will understand someday when you're a mom" ....I don't think this needs much explanation....this just makes you look like an inconsiderate b word.
3. Just because you now have a kid doesn't mean everything must be "kid friendly". In my personal inner circle we have some with kids and some without. We do things that are both "adult only" at times and other times they are "kid-friendly". There is a mutual understanding with the kid couples that they may not be able to go. We understand they have kids and babysitters are expensive or sometimes they would just rather do stuff with their kids involved. Totally fine. We still invite them in hopes they join us from time to time (and they do), but there is an understanding when they don't. One the other end though, I don't want to hear about how I never throw anything that is "kid friendly". Sorry that I don't want kids at my birthday or your child destroying my house every weekend while we cook out and watch the game. We do have things together that is kid friendly, but they are not going to be every time....why don't YOU throw something kid friendly (because honestly the people who complain about this are never the ones who step up and plan anything). My point is this: just because you now have a child and your world has taken a new chapter doesn't mean all of your child-less friends life has to as well. On the other hand - to all the childless couples, remember to be understanding and include those with kids. We have learned in our group that our friendships don't have to change at all, just our expectations and understanding does - on both ends. :)
4. Don't complain to us that "oh my gosh you are so lucky that you don't have kids, life is so hard with kids". I know some days being a parent is hard. I know there are days you wish for a much deserved break, but I can promise you would agree that the good days FAR outweigh the bad. Be thankful - you have been given a very special gift.
5. If you are not super close to me I don't want to hear about all the methods I should try to get pregnant. Obviously, you don't know what all I have tried or why there are some things I cant try right now whether its for health reasons, financial reasons, etc... For someone who doesn't have good or no insurance at all trying to conceive is VERY expensive. And don't tell me "the sure fire way" is to stack pillows under you.
6. Lastly, I am a Christian. I believe in God and I do believe that Gods plan is far better than my own BUT I don't want to be reminded of that every time I have a negative pregnancy test. Don't send me scriptures about Gods plan and timing, instead send me scriptures of comfort, sorrow, and hope. I don't want you to look me in the eye and do the half smile and say "it will happen in Gods perfect timing - I promise" I can promise you that you have no idea what you are talking about - you can not promise me that it will happen. We don't want to hear that its ok or common to have a miscarriage. We need a hug, support, and listening ear...if you can not provide that then that's fine -we still love you, but would rather you keep your mouth shut for a bit.
Again, not trying irritate anyone and im definitely not pointing any fingers, but just keepin it real, folks!
xo
S
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