Head Above Water

I was planning on saving this entry for another day, but it has been consuming my brain lately and then today I was reading up on my "Brave Girl" emails (I was a little behind) and the one from Friday just seemed to describe my feelings so well. Last night I sat on my back patio for almost an hour just thinking about the last several months and thanking God for all of his blessings. I can honestly say 2010 has been the first year in over 4 years that I feel like my head is above water. 2006 was the final year of my marriage and even though it was GREAT financially/work wise - it was very difficult marriage wise - my now ex husband had a severe gambling problem and it seemed that no matter how much money I made we never had enough. Every time I tried to question where the money was going it turned into a huge argument that I eventually just became numb to it all and didn't even ask - it wasn't until my divorce that I even realized how awful it was - when I was faced with the realization that the bills I was told he had been paying were never paid. Since then, I have spent the last several years feeling like I was drowning and trying every.single.day. to stay afloat. I was hurt with his affair and our nasty divorce, I was trying to recover from a drastic pay decrease (thanks to the economy) along with paying my bills, keeping my house, and desperately needing a newer car. I made a decision that 2010 was going to be my year - to work on myself, to work on my finances and to build on my dreams. I can honestly say the last several months I feel a little bit closer to that goal....

So as I was saying I received this email and wanted to share - I still have hurts and insecurities and fears beyond reason, but it does get easier. I could never thank God enough for the lessons he has taught me and continues to teach me. Hope you are encouraged by the words below as much as I was ;)


x0x0
Steph